A week ago I was walking back from the shop when my phone pinged and I got a message telling me that a 58 year old friend of mine had died suddenly the night before. I still struggle to believe it a week later, even though I know it is true and I have great peace about where he has gone. Last time I saw him was back in September when I had called into Morning Prayer on my way past his college. He spotted me as he left chapel, gave me a big hug and apologised that he didn’t have time for a coffee as he was off to lecture. “That’s fine,” I replied, “there will be plenty of other chances to catch up.” I left that morning feeling much cheered by bumping into Mike and looking forward to our future conversations.
Let me give you some background: in 2011 I arrived at Cranmer Hall just in time to engage with a(nother) major change in the way the national church wanted to shape training for ministry in the Church of England. Inevitably this drew me into seemingly endless meetings and much discussion of the ideas which were being presented. In one of my first such national meetings I found myself sitting with Mike Ovey from Oak Hill on one side and Fr Peter Allan from the College of the Resurrection in Mirfield on the other. Both Oak Hill and Mirfield are theological colleges serving the Church of England, but they hail from quite different ‘wings’ of the church; if you know much about the ‘flavour’ of Church of England theological colleges, you might have expected there to be some polite tension between my left hand side and my right, and I confess I wondered what I was in for when I noticed where I was sitting. In reality I felt like I was back at school sitting with two mates on the back row trying to make intellectual and emotional sense of what was being discussed. Honestly, it was both hilarious and intellectually astute. I left that room knowing that the seed of friendship had been sown, and over the years I served at Cranmer, the friendships I found with the other Principals were a gift I treasured more than I can describe.
In reality, I realise I did not know Mike half as well as I would have liked to. Others have written eloquent and moving eulogies, and I have little to add to them. I do reflect, though, that Mike has made me value the simple gift of Christian friendship. He was an intelligent and eloquent speaker who was both passionate and convinced when making an argument, but when you disagreed with him he would engage energetically and with his extraordinary smile. He could argue a case with passion and without venom in a way which spoke volumes of his fine intellect and his large heart. Mostly, though, I remember his laugh, which was frequent, noticeable, and seemed to involve every muscle in his body.
As we continue to face all manner of challenges in the Church, I will miss Mike as a conversation partner. He was someone who brought both grace and truth with him when he turned up, and we greatly need such people as we seek the Lord’s path forward in our life together. More than this, though, we need to seek to journey as friends when we agree and, more importantly, when we disagree. In all our debates about theology, ecclesiology, and anthropology, about the nature of our Trinitarian God, the identity of the church and who we are as human beings, I worry that we overlook this simple reflection of the love of God among us. Jesus himself says “I have called you friends” (John 15.15) to his disciples, with whom he did all manner of friend-like things: he gave them nicknames like ‘Rocky’ (which is what Peter means – John 1.42) and ‘Sons of Thunder’ (or ‘Boagernes’ – Mark 3.17), he walked, ate, talked, and joked with them.
Sometimes the way we obey the great commandment and seek to love others as Christ has loved us is simply by seeking to be friends to, and eventually with, them. This is the path that Jesus seems to have walked, even when he knew one of His closest friends was planning to hand Him over to the authorities. When I disagree with a friend I have to take his perspective seriously because I am unwilling to write him off. When I simply disagree with an argument it is all too easy to dismiss and belittle those who hold it. The path to truth, holiness, and wisdom is usually marked by friendliness in my experience.
Mike has now gone home to his greatest friend. I am greatly enriched by having known him and I still look forward to our next conversation, although I shall miss his insights and his humour between then and now.
Musings from beyond the wall... 
Forgive me if I’m repeating myself: great witness to friendship as intrinsically theological – the Quakers. Short summary in Zelda’s An Intimate History of Humanity (1994), pp. 329-331. See also, Graham Shaw’s The Cost of Authority (1983), p. 288: “Laymen of all denominations might benefit if the ecumenical movement paid greater attention to the Religious Society of Friends, for it is perhaps the Quakers who represent the most straightforward path out of our difficulties. More than any other denomination they exemplify in their structures a critical and subversive understanding of the gospel: freedom from doctrinal preoccupations, an awareness of the divisive impact of sacramental practice, the fostering of mutual rather than hierarchical relations, and not least an absence of clergy.” (Graham remains an Anglican clergyman, though I know for a time he was clerk to a Quaker meeting. His God in our Hands (1985) would convert Richard Dawkins!)
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